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| | Ok fine, I can go with that ^. {{Unsigned|67.85.70.47|19:50, August 27, 2011}} | | Ok fine, I can go with that ^. {{Unsigned|67.85.70.47|19:50, August 27, 2011}} |
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| − | Copyed from Deltaneos page (from the draft I showed him onwards).
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| − | Leo has shown possible jealousy when someone flirts with his sister, or she crushes on someone (The dub version his dialog was changed). It's to be noted however, his actions can also simply be taken as a protective brother. (insert episode 77 reference)
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| − | After the fight with Z-one, Leo blushed upon seeing Luna in cloths, and commented her on it. When she asked "Really?" he turned away extremely flustered while having a big smile, and stuttered saying "Y-yeah?" (this is the greatest indication that he may in fact have feelings for her). (Insert episode 152 reference). [[User:Shardsilver|Shardsilver]] ([[User talk:Shardsilver|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Shardsilver|contribs]]) 15:26, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
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| − | :This looks good. Not too biased on either side.
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| − | :The relationships sections aren't really my area, but if want to make it more like the biography, there are two changes I'd suggest.
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| − | :* I'd avoid phrases like "It's to be noted". It seems a bit superfluous, since the information wouldn't be there if it wasn't worth noting. So instead of "It's to be noted however, his actions can also simply be taken as a protective brother.", use "However, his actions can also simply be taken as a protective brother.".
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| − | :* I think brackets should be used sparingly when adding extra info about a previous sentence or when adding extra clarity to a sentence. They're still fine for noting dub changes though. So I think "this is the greatest indication that he may in fact have feelings for her", works fine as a sentence on its own.
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| − | :So after the changes, that leaves:
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| − | :''Leo has shown possible jealousy when someone flirts with his sister, or when she crushes on someone (The dub version his dialog was changed). However, his actions can also simply be taken as a protective brother.<nowiki><ref>{{episode|Yu-Gi-Oh!|77|ref}}</ref></nowiki><br />After the fight with Z-one, Leo blushed upon seeing Luna in new clothes, and commented on it. When she asked "Really?" he turned away extremely flustered while having a big smile, and stuttered saying "Y-yeah?". This is the greatest indication that he may in fact have feelings for her.<nowiki><ref>{{episode|Yu-Gi-Oh!|152|ref}}</ref></nowiki>''
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| − | :I've no problems with it, unless Golden Key or anyone else has anything else to say about it. -- [[User:Deltaneos|Deltaneos]] ([[User talk:Deltaneos|talk]]) 16:35, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
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| − | ::I don't think we need to say "possible" jealousy, since "jealousy" is a neutral on its own. What he was jealous about that could be debated. Was it that his sister wanted to spend time with someone else, or because she was romantically interested in someone else? We can just say he was jealous and leave it for the reader to come to their own decision. Also, I think we could be a little less wordy and a little more neutral for the second part. The quotes in particular seemed awkward in the sentence. How about the following? I think it's ambiguous enough that both sides can be pleased.
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| − | ::''Leo has shown over-protectiveness and jealousy when someone flirts with his sister, or when she shows romantic interest in someone (particularly in the Japanese version).<nowiki><ref>{{episode|Yu-Gi-Oh!|77|ref}}
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| − | </ref></nowiki><br />After the fight with Z-one, Leo blushes upon seeing Luna in new clothes, commenting on them while turning away and smiling (and being noticeably flustered).<nowiki><ref>{{episode|Yu-Gi-Oh!|152|ref}}</ref></nowiki>'' --[[User:Golden Key|Golden Key]] ([[User talk:Golden Key|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Golden Key|contribs]]) 22:10, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
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| − | :::Sure, that sounds good. [[User:Shardsilver|Shardsilver]] ([[User talk:Shardsilver|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Shardsilver|contribs]]) 22:20, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
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| | == Leo's abilitys. == | | == Leo's abilitys. == |
